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This morning, I’m focused on why we constantly seek approval from others before we make a decision. Are we afraid to fail or do we prefer to let someone else take the responsibility? Often to feel good about ourselves, we seek approval from a specific person or group of people.

Why is their approval so important? Have you ever regretted the decision you made based on their approval? I have, more than once and its sucks. Because you end up spending mental resources, rehashing your regret for seeking their approval and the time you wasted. I’ve learned regret can propel you to make changes or not. There is no middle ground with regret.

I believe gaining an awareness of when we are seeking approval, especially when we are seeking it from the wrong people, is one of the most important action we can take. If not, we will forever remain in the vicious cycle of giving our power away while wasting time waiting on someone else’s opinion of us.

When we seek out approval, we’re really saying — I don’t have the guts to make this decision. When the person says yes or no, we are released from the taking ownership of the decision.

But most of the time, these people are wrong. Because their response is based on their worldview, their perspective, and what they think of us. What we often forget is that family members and friends can have dated views.

I wrote this post because once again, I find myself at the same crossroad I was at two years ago. I sought the approval of two individuals, neither which have recognized or accepted that I have changed. I can see that now.

Their disapproval and advice then and now does not match where I am at in my life and career. The difference is so vast; it’s like we’re on different planets. We all have family members and people in our lives who refuse to change their worldview.

When you change, it challenges their thinking. They don’t want to change how they think of you. They work to make you feel guilty about your actions because they don’t want to make the effort to change or are incapable of accepting the new you.

Their opinions become irrelevant and are a waste of time.

Seeking approval from others is based on our internal fears of making a mistake or being seen as a failure. If people judge you solely on your mistakes, then rethink your relationship.

Learn to trust your gut intuition. Your gut knows when we’re on the right track and when are off rail. I know from experience and have had my gut scream at me several times recently because I was not listening. In the next week, I will make a major decision about my career and not seek the approval of others.

You know deep down exactly what you need to do. Your voice is there…learn to listen to your gut. Think, what would you do right now if you stopped seeking approval from everyone including your parents, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, teacher, boss, friends, neighbor, brother, sister, be sure to include the people who you are trying to prove wrong.

What would you do? What would you change? What thoughts went through your mind — no filters!!

If nothing came to mind — then think about that too? Why have you shut everything down? Is it because of others’ opinion of you? Why are you willing to let these people direct your life? Why?

Why are we all so afraid to be ourselves? I think the fear of what others will think traps us, leaving us unable to move forward.

I’m done giving my power away. I am done allowing others to make decisions about my life when they know nothing about who I am. I am done seeking approval and have made a promise to myself to eliminate this negative habit

Twice in 2016, I thought to myself, “Am I going backward? Was I regressing to a place I no longer wanted to be?”

Both times, I was an event participant.  Everything felt dated.  After several attendees voiced concern, the coordinator stated, “That’s the way it’s always been done, no need to change.”  Staring back at the individual, I felt like an alien.

I don’t want to go backward, especially after I’ve spent so much mental energy moving forward.  The last thing I wanted to do was to get stuck in another rut.

In all of my experiences, there has never been a time where going backward proved beneficial.

Not once.

As an impatient movie viewer, films are consumed while working on the computer with the audio playing in the background or during dinner. Last night’s working selection was Whiskey Tango Foxtrot starring Tina Fey as Kim Barker.  The movie is based on Barker’s book.

I’ve been thinking about Tina Fey’s character and the reason she became a war correspondent.  Each day she faithfully ran on a treadmill. One day, she noticed the constant motion was moving the machine backward across the carpet.  In her mind, she was regressing in life instead of gaining.

Again, I am consumed with the question “Am I moving forward or not gaining at all?”

Change surrounds us, yet for many, there is no movement, there is no internal growth, there is only redundancy.  The creation of goals reworked year after year.  There is comfort in knowing what to expect each and every minute of every day.  Being too comfortable can evolve into compliancy distorting reality masquerading as happiness.

2016 was a mixed bag as I was surprised and pleased with the growth of my business while conversely dealing with several sobering realizations.  From the new awareness, I gained wisdom enabling me to move forward once again.  I am not the same person I was six months.  My approach to problems and how I formulate decisions is different.   My worldview is constantly evolving.

When you think you are moving backward, stop and ask yourself why you feel this way and what could be the triggers? Often we ignore our inner voice.  Look beyond the usual answers and responses, what else is under the surface.  Is there a decision or something you are avoiding that needs to be addressed?

If nothing comes to mind, then think of the most outside of the box answer.  Anything? If not, let your mind noodle on why for while.  When you least expect an answer it will appear.

I believe the only way we can move forward and create a meaningful life is to avoid events and people who cause us to move backward.   Our world is full of too many amazing things to be satisfied with how it’s always been done or remaining stuck in a rut refusing to evolve.